The Week in Review

Congress jealous of CEO's pay

Like the bunch of liberal brats that they are, Congress is calling on a few high-profile Wall Street CEOs to testify before a congressional committee about the supposed link between executive pay and the mortgage crisis. Leave it to Congressman Dudley Do Right Waxman, D-Calif to get all pissy just because he's only making $169,300.

Hillary upset with media bias

Evidently Mrs. Clinton is not happy with the media's blatant Obama love fest. At least now she knows how we conservatives feel.

New York Philharmonic plays Pyongyang

Why we felt the need to serenade that sadistic little pinko, Kim Jong-Il with music much to beautiful for his evil little ears is a mystery to me. I'd think something along the lines of Puff the Magic Dragon would have been more appropriate.

Financial crisis angering Europeans

There is a growing wave of European anti-Americanism that is being fueled by the U.S credit crisis. I'd write more, but I could care less about what Europeans think.

Are You Proud of Your Job?

In this week's poll I asked if you are proud of your job and the overwhelming majority of you said you were not.

Now, I hope those of you who said you weren't proud of your jobs weren't expecting a namby-pamby pick- me-up, because it isn't going to happen. So you aren't proud of what you do. Big deal. If careers were about feeling good we'd live in a country with 150 million broke teachers, nurses and social workers. You want to be proud? Go be a firefighter or a cop. You want that warm tingly feeling that comes with making a difference? That's fine, I just hope you like clipping coupons and wearing underwear from Goodwill.

Am I proud of my job? I learned the triviality of that question long ago. Being proud of what you do for a living doesn't mean diddlysquat. You think I take pride knowing that I allegedly helped precipitate three major corporate scandals? Hell no. But I tell you what, making a shitload of money has a way of healing wounds.

At the same time, that some of you are proud of your jobs doesn't impress me one bit. Sure, you probably go home happy and sleep well at night knowing that you made a difference in someone's life. But you know what? You'll and I will never eat at the same restaurants. You will never drive a car that costs more than the average house and you will never know what it feels like to wield the power of a thousand hammers. And while you will die with a clear conscience and perhaps even be remembered for the good you did, your death will force your wife to take out a loan to cover the cost of your funeral. Your legacy will be credit card debt, car loans and mortgages. Rent-a-center will repossess your living room and your kids will curse your memory because you made them go to school in second-hand clothes. And for what? So you could be proud of your job?

Pride in one's job is the folly of the naive. You want wealth and power? Then you need to excise what remains of your idealism. Pride is for possessions, not careers.

Things I Can Afford That The Middle Class Cannot

I love Wednesdays for the simple fact that I am able to share with you the luxuries that make my life worth living. And while the vast majority of my possessions fall well outside the bounds of middle class affordability, this week's luxury is our Belgian nanny: Anais. Now, I am sure you are thinking, "hey, aren't nannies supposed to be Swedish?" Perhaps, if you are only Palm Springs wealthy. But for the ultra-wealthy, this season the Belgian nanny is the must-have childcare provider.

Mrs. Ross and I take great pride in our beautiful, purebred Belgian nanny. Attractive, intelligent, patient, loyal and subservient, Anais is the parent Mrs. Ross and I have no time to be. Patton simply adores her and she and Mrs. Ross have developed quite the friendship. They spend much of their time together tanning, working out, shopping, and giving each other massages- she says Anais does a very good job. Mrs. Ross even made me add another bedroom to the guesthouse where Anais and Patton sleep so she can stay there if she's too tired to walk back to the main residence.

Mrs. Ross and I laugh when we think about what life would be like if we actually had to raise our son ourselves. To think about changing him, feeding him, putting him to bed and taking him places? Well, let's just say we are blessed that I am able to afford Anais. For the next five years (or until she gains 10 pounds) Anais will be all that little Patton knows.

Some of you may scoff at the idea of a proxy raising our child, but those of you that judge do not have to deal with the social and business calendars that we ultra-wealthy are subjected to. No, when I think about what life would be like if we had to send our child to daycare I shudder. In my opinion, it is disgusting that a child is brought into this world only to be subjected to such care. Does the middle class know the developmental implications of placing a child in daycare? Do they know that children raised in non-nannied environments have higher rates of developmental disabilities and behavioral problems?

Now I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that having a Belgian nanny didn't have a few "auxiliary" benefits. Even if your middle-class daycare provider were willing to do some of the things Anais does, would you really want her to? Perhaps, if you are into overweight, middle-aged women who smell like baby formula and bad perm.

Reason #2 to become rich and powerful: purebred Belgian nannies.

White Lies: Stretching the Truth in Resumes

Have you ever exaggerated the truth on your resume? No? I’m sorry, I guess I mistook you for someone who would do anything to get ahead. I must have you confused with someone who wants to fly first class and buy expensive pens.

Let me clue you in on a not-so-little secret: the truth doesn’t set you free; it holds you back. Without a little exaggeration and deception you’ll find yourself stuck living the life of a cube dwelling cog in the corporate machine. I hope you like wearing Haggar wrinkle-free chinos and short-sleeved dress shirts from JC Penny, because that’s what honesty gets you.

But Mr. Ross, what happens if HR discovers my lies? If you’re doing a great job and working for the right boss that shouldn’t matter. Personally, I think it shows initiative. If I wanted to hire a Dudley Do-Right Boy Scout, I’d hire my grandson.

Humility has no place in a resume. Remember that.