Ross' Rules: Don't get caught

While enjoying a "Half and Half" after a spirited game of tennis last week, a friend of mine and I found ourselves discussing John Edwards and the stupidity of man. That one man single-handily brought marital infidelity back to the forefront of public consciousness is disgusting and unacceptable. In one act he took what was once a common and socially acceptable arrangement between man and his mistress and turned it into a white elephant. In short, he put at risk the very right that we men of wealth are entitled to.

In spirit of his colossal screw up, I am going to post the (until now) previously unwritten rules of extramarital physical and social engagement.

1. Your mistress is your near-equal. Never, ever engage in relations with a woman whose social status falls more than two positions below yours. A woman with nothing to lose and everything to gain is dangerous.

2. Put the relationship on hiatus when the wife is ill. Anything else just makes you look bad. Should your wife pass, end the relationship immediately lest your mistress think she has a chance of becoming your wife.

3. Be discreet, but not secretive. Your wife is not as stupid as you give her credit for. The two of you need to come to an agreement regarding your extracurricular activities. Allow her shopping trips and occasional pool boy dalliances. You may find this openness refreshing.

4. If caught, don't deny, lie. Unless she has proof, you haven't done anything. If she does, remind her you have done nothing wrong. If she still presses the issue remind her of the prenuptial agreement.