Reader Questions

What are your feelings on corporate gifts, what sort of gifts does your company deem appropriate for celebration of corporate longevity?

Ah yes, the ever wonderful corporate gift. What are my feelings on them?

First, by now you should know that I don't have feelings. I have opinions, thoughts, insights, instincts and beliefs, but certainly don't suffer from feelings. So, my friend, the question should be: what do I think of them?

In brief, they're wastes of money. To reward people for longevity makes it appear that we should be grateful for that which we should not be. The fact is these people should be buying us gifts for employing them that long. Do they not realize that their leaving allows me to bring in some entry-level cog at a quarter of the cost? Do they not realize that their bloated salaries are a drain on the company's bottom line? To reward such people with gold watches and monogrammed ball point pens is nonsense.

That being said, I find stock options to be the only suitable gift. Of course, when you reach my level of executive management other perks are justified, if not expected. Lifetime health insurance, significant cash bonuses, use of corporate transportation to name a few.

G. Glen Ross