Newton proved that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In human interaction one can take this to mean that for every negative action there is an equally negative reaction. He was wrong. For my actions are impervious to negative reactions. Whether they be from jealous subordinates, ex-wives, spiteful step-children or flea infested beggars, the bitter epithets spit from the mouths of the weak mean nothing to me.
I've been called many things in my life. Most of the time they're complimentary - great, intelligent, hard-working, savvy, handsome, humble, asshole- but on rare occasions they're not. I've been called a jerk, an arrogant buffoon, a pompous blowhard, an insufferable git, and a dad. However, such insults don't bother me.
Why not?
Because when you are as rich and powerful as I, you don't need anyone. And if you don't need people it doesn't really matter what the hell they think. Therefore, G. Glen Ross does whatever the hell he pleases.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Ross' Rules: Harness the power of the speakerphone
If by some fluke of chance or grave importance you are able to reach me at my office when I am either a) available or b) between secretaries, you'll quickly realize that you are on speakerphone. Immediately you will wonder who else is in the room and your tone and confidence will adjust accordingly, and without so much as a word, you will have submitted to my power and authority.
Call any man of power and he will put you on speaker. In fact, the only time we "go personal" is when speaking to our mistresses, friends, people of greater authority and delinquent teenage sons or daughters who are calling from military school. Wives, other children and individuals of equal or lesser authority will always be placed on speaker.
Why? Because one must always know their place.
Call any man of power and he will put you on speaker. In fact, the only time we "go personal" is when speaking to our mistresses, friends, people of greater authority and delinquent teenage sons or daughters who are calling from military school. Wives, other children and individuals of equal or lesser authority will always be placed on speaker.
Why? Because one must always know their place.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Ross' Rules: Listen to the CIA
God bless the Central Intelligence Agency. For those of you who think the organization has no merits, I suggest you read the following. Many good lessons for the aspiring executive. Pay close attention to sections c and d as they pertain to general office staff and what they might do to subvert your or the company's authority.
From the Office of Strategic Services' (predecessor to the CIA) Simple Sabotage Field Manual
(11) General Interference with Organisations and Production
(a) Organizations and Conferences
(1) Insist on doing everything through "channels." Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
(2) Make "speeches." Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your "points" by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate "patriotic" comments.
(3) When possible, refer all matters to committees, for "further study and consideration." Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.
(4) Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
(5) Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
(6) Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.
(7) Advocate "caution." Be "reasonable" and urge your fellow-conferees to be "reasonable" and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.
(8) Be worried about the propriety of any decision — raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.
(b) Managers and Supervisors
(1) Demand written orders.
(2) "Misunderstand" orders. Ask endless questions or engage in long correspondence about such orders. Quibble over them when you can.
(3;) Do everything possible to delay the delivery of orders. Even though parts of an order may be ready beforehand, don't deliver it until it is completely ready.
(4) Don't order new working materials until your current stocks have been virtually exhausted, so that the slightest delay in filling your order will mean a shutdown.
(5) Order high-quality materials which are hard to get. If you don't get them argue about it. Warn that inferior materials will mean inferior work.
(6) In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that the important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers of poor machines.
(7) Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw. Approve other defective parts whose flaws are not visible to the naked eye.
(8) Make mistakes in routing so that parts and materials will be sent to the wrong place in the plant.
(9) When training new workers, give incomplete or misleading instructions.
(10) To lower morale and with it, production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.
(jj.) Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.
(12) Multiply paper work in plausible ways. Start duplicate files.
(13) Multiply the procedures and clearances involved in issuing instructions, pay checks, and so on. See that three people have to approve everything where one would do.
(14) Apply all regulations to the last letter.
(c) Office Workers
(1) Make mistakes in quantities of material
when you are copying orders. Confuse similar names. Use wrong addresses.
(2) Prolong correspondence with government bureaus.
(3) Misfile essential documents.
(4) In making carbon copies, make one too few, so that an extra copying job will have to be done.
(5) Tell important callers the boss is busy or talking on another telephone.
(6) Hold up mail until the next collection.
(7) Spread disturbing rumors that sound like inside dope.
(d) Employees
(1) Work slowly. Think out ways to increase the number of movements necessary on your job: use a light hammer instead of a heavy one, try to make a small wrench do when a big one is necessary, use little force where considerable force is needed, and so on.
(2) Contrive as many interruptions to your work as you can: when changing the material on which you are working, as you would on a lathe or punch, take needless time to do it. If you are cutting, shaping or doing other measured work, measure dimensions twice as often as you need to. When you go to the lavatory, spend a longer time there than is necessary. Forget tools so that you will have to go back after them.
(3) language, pretend not to understand instructions in a
foreign tongue.
(4) Pretend that instructions are hard to understand, and ask to have them repeated more than once. Or pretend that you are particularly anxious to do your work, and pester the foreman with unnecessary questions.
(5) Do your work poorly and blame it on bad tools, machinery, or equipment. Complain that these things are preventing you from doing your job right.
(6) Never pass on your skill and experience to a new or less skillful worker.
(7) Snarl up administration in every possible way. Fill out forms illegibly so that they will have to be done over; make mistakes or omit requested information in forms.
(8) If possible, join or help organize a group for presenting employee problems to the management. See that the procedures adopted are as inconvenient as possible for the management, involving the presence of a large number of employees at each presentation, entailing more than one meeting for each grievance, bringing up problems which are largely imaginary, and so on.
(9) Misroute materials.
(10) Mix good parts with unusable scrap and rejected parts.
(12) General Devices for Lowering Morale and Creating Confusion
(a) Give lengthy and incomprehensible explanations when questioned.
(b) Report imaginary spies or danger to the Gestapo or police.
(c) Act stupid.
(d) Be as irritable and quarrelsome as possible without getting yourself into trouble.
(e) Complain against ersatz materials.
(f) In public treat axis nationals or quislings coldly.
(g) Stop all conversation when axis nationals or quislings enter a cafe.
(h) Cry and sob hysterically at every occasion, especially when confronted by government clerks. (i) Boycott all movies, entertainments, concerts, newspapers which are in any way connected with the quisling authorities.
(j) Do not cooperate in salvage schemes.
From the Office of Strategic Services' (predecessor to the CIA) Simple Sabotage Field Manual
(11) General Interference with Organisations and Production
(a) Organizations and Conferences
(1) Insist on doing everything through "channels." Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
(2) Make "speeches." Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your "points" by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate "patriotic" comments.
(3) When possible, refer all matters to committees, for "further study and consideration." Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.
(4) Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
(5) Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
(6) Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.
(7) Advocate "caution." Be "reasonable" and urge your fellow-conferees to be "reasonable" and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.
(8) Be worried about the propriety of any decision — raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.
(b) Managers and Supervisors
(1) Demand written orders.
(2) "Misunderstand" orders. Ask endless questions or engage in long correspondence about such orders. Quibble over them when you can.
(3;) Do everything possible to delay the delivery of orders. Even though parts of an order may be ready beforehand, don't deliver it until it is completely ready.
(4) Don't order new working materials until your current stocks have been virtually exhausted, so that the slightest delay in filling your order will mean a shutdown.
(5) Order high-quality materials which are hard to get. If you don't get them argue about it. Warn that inferior materials will mean inferior work.
(6) In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that the important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers of poor machines.
(7) Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw. Approve other defective parts whose flaws are not visible to the naked eye.
(8) Make mistakes in routing so that parts and materials will be sent to the wrong place in the plant.
(9) When training new workers, give incomplete or misleading instructions.
(10) To lower morale and with it, production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.
(jj.) Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.
(12) Multiply paper work in plausible ways. Start duplicate files.
(13) Multiply the procedures and clearances involved in issuing instructions, pay checks, and so on. See that three people have to approve everything where one would do.
(14) Apply all regulations to the last letter.
(c) Office Workers
(1) Make mistakes in quantities of material
when you are copying orders. Confuse similar names. Use wrong addresses.
(2) Prolong correspondence with government bureaus.
(3) Misfile essential documents.
(4) In making carbon copies, make one too few, so that an extra copying job will have to be done.
(5) Tell important callers the boss is busy or talking on another telephone.
(6) Hold up mail until the next collection.
(7) Spread disturbing rumors that sound like inside dope.
(d) Employees
(1) Work slowly. Think out ways to increase the number of movements necessary on your job: use a light hammer instead of a heavy one, try to make a small wrench do when a big one is necessary, use little force where considerable force is needed, and so on.
(2) Contrive as many interruptions to your work as you can: when changing the material on which you are working, as you would on a lathe or punch, take needless time to do it. If you are cutting, shaping or doing other measured work, measure dimensions twice as often as you need to. When you go to the lavatory, spend a longer time there than is necessary. Forget tools so that you will have to go back after them.
(3) language, pretend not to understand instructions in a
foreign tongue.
(4) Pretend that instructions are hard to understand, and ask to have them repeated more than once. Or pretend that you are particularly anxious to do your work, and pester the foreman with unnecessary questions.
(5) Do your work poorly and blame it on bad tools, machinery, or equipment. Complain that these things are preventing you from doing your job right.
(6) Never pass on your skill and experience to a new or less skillful worker.
(7) Snarl up administration in every possible way. Fill out forms illegibly so that they will have to be done over; make mistakes or omit requested information in forms.
(8) If possible, join or help organize a group for presenting employee problems to the management. See that the procedures adopted are as inconvenient as possible for the management, involving the presence of a large number of employees at each presentation, entailing more than one meeting for each grievance, bringing up problems which are largely imaginary, and so on.
(9) Misroute materials.
(10) Mix good parts with unusable scrap and rejected parts.
(12) General Devices for Lowering Morale and Creating Confusion
(a) Give lengthy and incomprehensible explanations when questioned.
(b) Report imaginary spies or danger to the Gestapo or police.
(c) Act stupid.
(d) Be as irritable and quarrelsome as possible without getting yourself into trouble.
(e) Complain against ersatz materials.
(f) In public treat axis nationals or quislings coldly.
(g) Stop all conversation when axis nationals or quislings enter a cafe.
(h) Cry and sob hysterically at every occasion, especially when confronted by government clerks. (i) Boycott all movies, entertainments, concerts, newspapers which are in any way connected with the quisling authorities.
(j) Do not cooperate in salvage schemes.
Friday, June 6, 2008
The Week in Review: 6/-6/6
The democrats decide, unemployment rises, the SUV dies. Once more, the liberal media wants you to believe that the sky is falling.
Obama vs. McCain
Finally, the democrats chose their sacrificial lamb for 2008, thus ensuring the plutocracy endure. Citizens of lollipop land will have to wait another four years before gumdrops and equal rights pour from the Heavens.
Unemployment rate climbs 5.5%
Meaning? You'll have to wait in line a few extra minutes at McDonalds. Let's face it, the only jobs being lost are the ones not worth having.
$4.00 gas kills the SUV
Ford and General Motors have announced plans to cut production of SUVs and pick-up trucks to make way for smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles. Observers maintain the death of the SUV is upon us. In fact, it is not. What's happened is that the market has equalized and the folks who had no business buying SUVs in the first place (read: the middle class) are finally realizing the folly of leasing, seven-year loans and negative equity. Pity that it takes events such as this to impart a little economic common sense to the masses.
Obama vs. McCain
Finally, the democrats chose their sacrificial lamb for 2008, thus ensuring the plutocracy endure. Citizens of lollipop land will have to wait another four years before gumdrops and equal rights pour from the Heavens.
Unemployment rate climbs 5.5%
Meaning? You'll have to wait in line a few extra minutes at McDonalds. Let's face it, the only jobs being lost are the ones not worth having.
$4.00 gas kills the SUV
Ford and General Motors have announced plans to cut production of SUVs and pick-up trucks to make way for smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles. Observers maintain the death of the SUV is upon us. In fact, it is not. What's happened is that the market has equalized and the folks who had no business buying SUVs in the first place (read: the middle class) are finally realizing the folly of leasing, seven-year loans and negative equity. Pity that it takes events such as this to impart a little economic common sense to the masses.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Things I can afford that the middle class cannot: vacations
Ahh yes, summertime. The most wonderful time of year wouldn't you agree? I for one love it, for it is summer that offers the respite from the concrete and skyscrapers that dominate my milieu. Three months of long weekends in the Hampton's. Weeks sailing the Greek Isles. There are no budgets, no time constraints, no interruptions. Just relaxation, family time and pampering.
If you are envious I understand. Believe me, if I were middle class I would hate me. Not because I am wealthy and can satisfy my whims, however outrageous or expensive they may be. No, I would hate me because I would be forced to confront my own pathetic existence- a life spent wanting, not having.
Wealth and power affords one the ability to vacation when and where they want. While the middle class loads up the minivan and embarks on their great American road trips, Mrs. Ross, myself, the nanny and sometimes the baby will jet off to Barbados. Just because. While the middle class waits in line at Disney World, the Ross family is enjoying a special VIP tour of the Magic Kingdom - no standing in lines with sweaty English tourists.
Take any one of my vacations, even the most rote, and they would be the dream vacation of any suburban family languishing through a time share tour just to get a few free tickets to Universal Studios. Take any one of my vacations and you will see just how powerful wealth can be.
If you are envious I understand. Believe me, if I were middle class I would hate me. Not because I am wealthy and can satisfy my whims, however outrageous or expensive they may be. No, I would hate me because I would be forced to confront my own pathetic existence- a life spent wanting, not having.
Wealth and power affords one the ability to vacation when and where they want. While the middle class loads up the minivan and embarks on their great American road trips, Mrs. Ross, myself, the nanny and sometimes the baby will jet off to Barbados. Just because. While the middle class waits in line at Disney World, the Ross family is enjoying a special VIP tour of the Magic Kingdom - no standing in lines with sweaty English tourists.
Take any one of my vacations, even the most rote, and they would be the dream vacation of any suburban family languishing through a time share tour just to get a few free tickets to Universal Studios. Take any one of my vacations and you will see just how powerful wealth can be.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Ross' Rules: create the illusion of hope
As a favor to an old friend I invited his grandson in for an interview. Despite the young man's average resume I gave him thirty minutes of my precious time and engaged him in a polite, if not genial manner. To his credit he was a kind, likable individual. Unfortunately, he was also unemployable.
I knew I would not hire him before the interview even started. I knew before my secretary even scheduled it. But because the interview was a favor, I proceeded. And he thought he might get a job.
Why?
Because I let him think as much. I allowed hope to creep into his mind and optimism invade his psyche. Not because I am too kind, but rather because to be rude to him would be an affront to my good friend who had asked the favor.
Hope is a powerful emotion- one of the few that has any place in business - and can be used as a powerful management tool. Like abandoned children clinging to the hope that their fathers will, for once, fulfill a promise, your employees should always believe that there exists the potential and possibility for something more, something better. A promotion, a raise, acknowledgement of their existence.
You should cultivate this hope despite the fact that you know such petty lifelines will never be realized.
I am sure that after his interview the young man blithely went about his day daydreaming about dressing up in his charcoal Brooks Brothers suit and walking with purpose to the job that would one day make him wealthy beyond his lower middle class dreams. I'm sure he checked his email every half hour, anxiously awaiting an email he surely thought would come. And I'm sure that as the days and weeks progressed, the hopes he once had were replaced by a seething anger that will one day serve as motivation.
I hope.
I knew I would not hire him before the interview even started. I knew before my secretary even scheduled it. But because the interview was a favor, I proceeded. And he thought he might get a job.
Why?
Because I let him think as much. I allowed hope to creep into his mind and optimism invade his psyche. Not because I am too kind, but rather because to be rude to him would be an affront to my good friend who had asked the favor.
Hope is a powerful emotion- one of the few that has any place in business - and can be used as a powerful management tool. Like abandoned children clinging to the hope that their fathers will, for once, fulfill a promise, your employees should always believe that there exists the potential and possibility for something more, something better. A promotion, a raise, acknowledgement of their existence.
You should cultivate this hope despite the fact that you know such petty lifelines will never be realized.
I am sure that after his interview the young man blithely went about his day daydreaming about dressing up in his charcoal Brooks Brothers suit and walking with purpose to the job that would one day make him wealthy beyond his lower middle class dreams. I'm sure he checked his email every half hour, anxiously awaiting an email he surely thought would come. And I'm sure that as the days and weeks progressed, the hopes he once had were replaced by a seething anger that will one day serve as motivation.
I hope.
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