Reader Question: Party Etiquette

Mr. Ross...

A good friend of mine is having that lowest common denominator of parties: the BBQ. I've been invited and asked to bring of all things, a 7 layer bean dip. I care greatly for the man, but given my elevated status in the community, I feel that I might run the risk of being perceived as common or even middle-class. Am I being paranoid, is he trying to make me look bad?

What is your advice on the matter?

Sincerely,

(Name redacted)


Dear Paranoid-

While at first glance it might appear that your "friend" is setting you up to look like an ass, my sense is that, in fact, you are being a tad too sensitive. I get the impression that you would not recognize irony if it slapped you in the face. Often, we wealthy enjoy throwing theme parties and while most of the time the thematics skew towards the cultural or prescient, occasionally we will inject a little good natured and light hearted humor into our soirees.

Your friend's party is nothing more that one man embracing this concept to the extreme. More than likely taking this most simple and middle classed of traditions and turning it on its head. In fact, don't be surprised if his "common" menu consists of a few well-disguised delicacies. As for your 7-layer bean dip, run down to your local gourmet deli and ask them to mix you up something special- perhaps something that will go with organic pita chips.

Here's a tip, to really enjoy the party I suggest you and your wife create middle class alter egos and attend in character. Have your assistant run to JC Penny and pick up a couple of outfits (obviously he or she will know what to look for better than you) and reinvent yourselves as a common, suburban couple. To really go over the top, rent a mini-van. Make sure all conversations are centered around such simple topics as your kids' soccer league, the frustrations of public schools, gas prices, your struggle to bay the bills, the success of your bowling team, and of course, the saviour of the middle class: Barack Obama.

G. Glen Ross