On the Importance of Listening to Ross

As you recall, Mrs. Ross and I were in West Palm over the weekend. As always, it was a wonderfully luxurious time. One night as we were dining with friends, one of their grandkids asked me why anyone should listen to me. Had it been anyone else, I would have dismissed this insufferable girl's question with no more than a wave of a hand and guffaw. But, because she was the grandchild of my closest friend I answered her question.

"The masses will listen to me because I will tell them to," I said.

"But what makes you think you're so influential," she asked.

Her grandfather, deeply embarrassed by the intoxicated woman's antics moved to silence her, but I told him I took no offense and would answer her question.

"Young woman, they will listen to me because I am intelligent, successful and wealthy beyond measure." I looked at her grandfather and we both smiled gaily. "They will listen to me because they desire to have what I have."

She rolled her eyes and muttered something about the virus of wealth and the importance of living a life serving the greater good. I told her not to fear, that she would shed the naïveté of youth over time and perhaps make something of herself.

But you're not naive, are you? You'll listen to me and this is why:

1) I am smarter than you. Have you attended Yale, Harvard and Princeton? I think not, otherwise you would not be in your current position.

2) I am wealthier than you. Do you own your own jet? Do you have a fleet of vintage sailboats? Can you afford to send your wife to the best plastic surgeons money can buy? Of course not. But, you want to.

3) I am more successful than you. Obviously.

4) I wrote the book on corporate warfare. I am the living embodiment of the "Art of War" and can show you the way. Pathos is thy enemy, logos our savior.

5) I have the power that you can barely imagine in your wildest daydreams.

In life, we rarely have the opportunity to learn from those so far beyond our stations. This is your opportunity to suck at the teat of 45 years of hard work and experience. Listen up.