Ross' Rules: Deception is Perception

Perhaps the biggest obstacle one faces in the pursuit of power is reconciling the person from the professional. I don't care who you and what you do at home, the minute you step into the office you must "be" the person you want them to see. Your goal should be to meld the professional and the person into one powerful entity. There should be no delineation.

So, what can you do? Here are a few common deceptions that can be portrayed with relative ease.

Man Up
Obviously this is easy if you are a straight male. However, women and lollipops will have to work hard to develop the backbone and assertiveness that is required in the good old boys club. Women will find this balance difficult as no one wants to work with an overcompensating bitch. Effeminate men, lose the lisp and firm up those wrists. Also, when you're with your male co-workers be sure to make suggestive remarks about the women who work in your office. It doesn't matter if you are not attracted to women, unless you work in Hollywood, if you want to get ahead you'll need to act like you'd bang them with impunity.

Whiten Up
Again, easy to do if you are fortunate enough to be Caucasian. If you are a minority, pay attention to white persons of power, Oprah, Greg Gumbel and Barack Obama. Note their subtle, refined mannerisms.

Harness the Power of the Buzzword
No one will know you're the stupidest, liberal arts floozy ever to walk the earth if you possess a commanding grasp of corporate lexicon. When at work, speak like a CEO. You'll instantly sound intelligent.

Channel Your Inner Conservative
There is no better way to subvert your career than by espousing liberal feel-good nonsense. We people of power don't care about the pornographic art house movies you watch or the time you waste reading fiction. When you are at the office be sure to talk about things that matter, like the War on Terror or the erosion of values that is being propagated by the left. When in doubt, simply mention an article you read in the National Review. Also, if you don't already have an American Flag lapel pin, buy one immediately.

Like the People who Matter; Despise the People who Don't
I don't care who your best friend is, if your boss doesn't like them, you don't like them. You should know better than to make the mistake of cultivating friendships at work.

There you have it, a few common deceptions you can use to get ahead. Just remember that by projecting confidence and power and you will receive respect. After all, normal people do not rise to greatness.