Things I Can Afford That the Middle Class Cannot

Rhetorical question: Is there anything more sad and disgusting than the middle class?

If a psychic would have told me back in Korea that after the war I was destined to live the rest of my life as a captive prisoner of the middle class, I would have told her to run a rusty bayonet through my ribs and let me die a slow painful death. Becuase as horrible as that would have been, it would have been pleasurable compared to a life spent consumed by want.

Thankfully, I returned to a life of privledge and success. Because I know that you're on the fast track to success, each week I want to take this time to share with you the commodities (or as you call them, luxuries) that I enjoy, but the the middle class cannot.

This week's commodity: Mrs. Ross.

Like wearing a fine Ulysse Nardin watch, a man with a beautiful woman on his arm commands respect and projects success. At nearly half my age, Mrs. Ross is woman who men can't help but stare at and who women can't help but be jealous of. And while I cannot show you a picture, if you've ever paged through a JC Penny's catalog chances are you've seen her. Women like this are not attracted to common men. They do not drive mini-vans or eat at all-you-can-eat salad bars. Women like Mrs. Ross demand the finer things that only immense wealth can provide. She has given me one wonderful child who is now almost two years-old, and while middle-class husbands lament their wive's sagging breasts and distorted stomachs, I'm able to feast my eyes upon a woman who has not just been restored to her previous beauty, but who's beauty has been improved upon. Is your wife's Ob/Gyn a board certified plastic surgeon?

Looking upon my gorgeous wife validates the decisions I've made. And while I know that even though this Mrs. Ross is not the first, she is certainly worth every dollar I've spent on her.