Perhaps one of the unsung benefits of being immensely wealthy and powerful beyond all measure is the legal access and resources one is afforded. Lawyers, we all know, are like insurance, you pay out the nose for them in hopes you never need them. But when you do...God bless those greedy cut-throat bastards.
Why am I bringing this up now? To what end does parading my crack legal team in front of my readers serve? Innocence, my friends, innocence.
We all know that despite the phrase, "innocent until proven guilty" in our country the opposite holds true and that once indited for an infraction it is up to the defendant to prove their innocence. It's perverted, I know.
Many of you will be shocked to know that I have been a victim of our perverted justice system. What will shock you even more is that I was not a victim of a white-collar witch hunt, not recently anyway. Rather, I was the victim of a flagrant criminal and civil case involving a bicyclist.
For the record, the idiot swerved in front of me. He hit my car (causing significant damage I might add). Yes, I had a few drinks at dinner. Yes, I was driving. But I was under the legal limit and my actions had nothing to do with the accident. Of course, the hippie bicyclist felt otherwise. So, unfortunately, did the Gestapo who police my borough.
Ridiculous, I know.
Thankfully, I had a team of brilliant legal minds defending me (all Yalies, by the way. Always go with Yalies if you can afford them) and in the end got off scott free. The family and biker were outraged by their perceived injustice. I just smiled and patted the top of the young man's head- easy since he was in a wheelchair- and strode out of the courtroom and innocent man.
What's scary is that had I not the means, I surely would be wasting away in jail, or worse yet, paying restitution. Alas, I am not. Not because I didn't deserve it, but because I could afford it.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
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