Things I can afford that the middle class cannot: 16 ft tall security walls

As I sit with Mrs. Ross on my favorite of the seven decks that surround my palatial ocean side estate, exhausted from a day spent espousing the virtues of values and ethics in Corporate America (however, false they may be), I take comfort that we are able to sit undisturbed and topless, away from prying jealous eyes. For as much as they may desperately seek a glimpse into a life of luxury, my sixteen-foot tall, imported Costa Rican lava rock privacy wall prevents their envious middle-class eyes from doing so.

Sometimes, when my driver erroneously steers the Maybach into yet another neighborhood brought to you by Shea Homes or Richmond American, I laugh to myself at the matchstick fences that pathetically try to hide the dead sod and cheap plastic toys that litter the yards like discarded trash. For if any neighborhood demands fortification it are those of the middle-class. Though, such walls would protect the eyes of the innocent as much as they would the egos of the hyper-extended, paycheck-to-paycheck homeowners.

My walls (and yes I have many, all literal) isolate me from the realities faced by the average. The moment I cross the gate's threshold I am transported to an idyllic paradise designed and created especially for me. My walls afford Mrs. Ross the tan-line free look she demands and allow our child to play, free from predation and the jealous, thieving bullies that permeate suburban playgrounds.


There are those who argue that such defenses scar the landscape and further isolate the rich from the poor. While I disagree that such walls scar the land, I agree fully that they isolate the rich from the poor. For that, my acolytes, is the primary reason God invented stone.